Wasting Time Being Wasted

A memory that never leaves me—one ordinary drunk morning, not unlike all the others.

Around noon, still in my pj’s… hair uncombed, staring at my phone, lounging in the breakfast nook—drunk. My husband comes down from his office, where he’s been productively working since 7:30, and says,“Is this it? Are you going to do anything else today?”

I jump up and get busy.

Drunk busy.

The kind where you walk from room to room, make the bed halfway, start the shower, then start to make breakfast… except its noon, so now it’s lunch, and the shower is still running.

I know! Another drink, and I’ll pep up and take on the day.

Looking back, I don’t recognize that woman in such deep pain. Her face resembles mine, but that’s where it stops.

Wasting my life being wasted.

That was a typical day toward the end. My main motivation for getting dressed was so I could get to the liquor store for my daily supply. You see, I was a smart drunk—never buy more than what you need to consume, or it’s lights out. Goner… beyond gone.

To avoid that, this logic required a daily trip for daily intoxication.

Living in that nightmare felt almost normal. The only normal way for me to be, to do, to survive.

In the neuroscience of addiction, we learn that addiction hijacks the survival brain. The part wired to keep us alive… to eat, sleep, procreate- survive. When addiction takes over, it becomes the #1 survival tool. We will give up food, sleep, even sex, for our drug of choice.

No question.

Neuroscience has also learned,

The brain can heal. It can reroute. It can reconnect.

The main tool? JOY.

Not the forced kind. Not the “I should be happy” kind. Not the kind with fake smiles and masks.

Real Joy.

The kind you feel in your body, fresh mountain air filling your lungs, the sound of a horse breathing beside you, the earth steady beneath your feet.

Joy, fun, true happiness, even small moments of peace… these are not extras. They are the medicine.

Not in a bottle.

So I’ll ask you, gently, are you ready to do something different?

Try this, reconnect to JOY right now:

One breath of fresh air.One step outside.Notice something new.

Your neurons are craving this new information. Give it back to them—slowly, kindly—so they can reroute, reconnect…

…and you can begin, to stop wasting life, wasted.